XXV.
EXTRACTS GRAVE AND GAY, WISE AND OTHERWISE
Cigars on the Editor:
“The berth check came to me this morning. I suppose the cigars are on me. At the same time, there is another kind of check which you get when you buy your Pullman accomodation at the Pullman office in the station. It was that which I had in mind. I suppose the one you enclosed is the conductor’s check. I don’t believe I ever saw one before.”
How “Bob” Davis hands you a Lemon
“The first six or seven chapters of ‘Hammerton’s Vase’ are very lively and readable – after which it falls off the shelf and is badly shattered. Everybody in the yarn is pretty much of a sucker, and the situations are more or less of a class. I think, John, that there is too much talk in this story. Your last thirty pages are nothing but.
What struck me most was the ease with which you might have wound the story up in any one of several places without in any way injuring it. That is not like the old John Milton of yore. You used to pile surprise upon surprise, and tie knot after knot in your complications. But you didn’t do it in ‘Hammerton’s Vase’ – for which reason I shed tears and return the manuscript by express.”
How Mr. White does it:
“I am very sorry to be obliged to make an adverse report on ‘The Gods of Tlaloc.’ For one thing the story is too wildly improbable, for another the hero is too stupid, and worse than all the interest is of too scrappy a nature – not cumulative. You have done too good work for The Argosy in the past for me to content myself with this…. When I return Aug. 9, I shall hope to find a corking fine story from your pen awaiting my perusal. I am sure you know how to turn out such a yarn.”
A tip regarding “Dual-identity”:
“The story opens well, and that is the best I can say for it. I put up the scheme to Mr. Davis and he expressed a strong disinclination for any kind of a dual-identity story.” – Matthew White, Jr.
How Mr. Davis takes over the Right Stuff:
“We are taking the sea story. Will report on the other stuff you have here in a day or two. In the meantime, remem-ber that you owe me an 80,000-word story and that you are getting the maximum rate and handing me the mmimum amount of words. You raised the tariff and I stood for it and it is up to you to make good some of your threats to play ball accordmg to Hoyle. It is your turn to get in the box and bat ‘em over the club-house. And remember, I am always on the bleachers, waiting to cheer at the right time.”
How Mr. White lands on it:
“‘Helping Columbus’ pleases me very much, and on our principle of paying for quality I am sending you for it our check for $350.”
During the earlier years of his writing Edwards made use of an automatic word-counter which he attached to his Caligraph – the machine he was using at that time. He discovered that if a story called for 30,000 words, and he allowed the counter to register that number, the copy would over-run about 5,000 words. At a much later period he discovered by actual comparisons of typewritten with printed matter just the number of words each page of manuscript would average in the composing-room. From his publishers, however, he once received the following instructions:
“To enable you to calculate the number of words to write each week, we make the following suggestions: Type off a LONG paragraph from a page of one of the weeklies that has been set solid, so that the number of words in each line will correspond with the same line in print.
When you have finished the paragraph you can get the average length of the typed line as written on your machine, and by setting your bell guard at this average length you will be able to fairly approximate, line for line, manuscript and printed story.
A complete story should contain 3,000 lines. Calculating in this way, you will be able to turn in each week a story of about the right length. Our experience shows us that the calculated length of a story based on a roughly estimated number of words usually falls short of our requirements, and although to proceed in the manner suggested above may involve a little extra work – not above half an hour at the outside and on one occasion only – by it alone are we convinced that you will strike the right number of words for each issue.”
“Along the Highway of Explanations”:
“I cannot see ‘The Yellow Streak’ quite clear enough. You whoop it up pretty well for about three-quarters of the story, and then it begins to go to pieces along the highway of explanations.” – Mr. Davis.
Concerning the “Rights” of a Story:
“Unless it is otherwise stipulated, WE BUY ALL MANUSCRIPTS WITH FULL COPYRIGHT.”– F.A. Munsey Co.
And again:
“The signing of the receipt places all rights in the hands of the Frank A. Munsey Company, but they will be glad to permit you to make a stage version of your story, only stipulating that in case you succeed in getting it produced, they should receive a reasonable share of the royalties.
The Last Word on the Subject:
“Mr. White has turned over to me your letter of October 12, as I usually answer letters relating to questions of copyright. I think, under the circumstances, if you want to dramatize the story we ought to permit you to do so without payment to us. The only condition we would make would be that if you get the play produced, you should print a line on the program saying, – ‘Dramatized from a story published in The Argosy,’ or words to that effect.” – Mr. Titherington, of Munseys.
Paragraphing, Politics and Puns:
“Your paragraphs are pretty good, so far. But SHUN POLITICS AND RELIGION in any form, direct or indirect, as you would shun the devil. And please don’t pun – it is so cheap.”– Mr. A.A. Mosley, of The Detroit Free Press.
Climaxes, Snap and Spontaneity:
“We don’t like to let this go back to you, and only do so in the hope that you can let us have it again. The sketch is capitally considered, the character is excellent, the way in which it is written admirable, the whole story is very funny, and yet somehow it does not quite come off. The climax – the denouement – seems somewhat labored and lacks snaps and spontaneity. Can’t you devise some other termination – something with more ‘go?’ This is so good we want it to be better.” – Editor Puck.
Novelty and Exhilarating Effect:
“We have no special subject to suggest for a serial, but would cheerfully read any you think desirable for our needs. The better plan always is to submit the first two installments of about four columns each. Novelty and exhilarating effect are desirable.” – Editor Saturday Night.
Saddling and Bridling Pegasus:
“We are very much in need of a short Xmas poem – from 16 to 20 lines – to be used at once. Knowing your ability and willingness to accomodate at short notice, I write you to ask if you can get one to us by Saturday of this week, or Monday at latest. I know it is a very short time in which to saddle and bridle Pegasus, but I am sure you can do it with celerity if any one can.” – Editor The Ladies’ World.
Carrying the Thing too Far:
“We regret that we cannot make use of ‘The Brand of Cain,’ after your prompt response to our call, but the title and story are JUST A LITTLE BIT too sensational for our paper, and we think it best to return it to you. It is a good story, and well written, but we get SO MUCH condemnation from our subscribers, often for a trifle, that we are obliged to be very careful. Only a week or two ago we were severely censured because a recipe in Household Dep’t called for a tablespoon ful of wine in a pudding sauce, and the influence of the writer against the paper promised if the offense were repeated.” – From the editor of a woman’s journal.
And, finally, this from Mr. Davis:
“We are of the non-complaining species, ourself, and aim only to please the mob. Rush the sea story. If it isn’t right, I’ll rush it back, by express…. Believe, sir, that I am personally disposed to regard you as a better white man than the average white man because you a larger white man, and, damnitsir, I wish you good luck.”
